I’m looking at my wallet, and it looks increasingly bulgey. Not due to the money I have inside, for I currently have no money in my wallet. But due to the sheer amount of loyalty cards and crap I have hoarded from all sorts of places. And receipts.
So you open my wallet and a blur of colours jump out at you. Two shades of green, purple and blue. The blue is my bank card, which I think is completely fine to keep in the front of your purse. The purple, my Nectar card. Quadruple points at Sainsbury’s. Ideal, but I hardly ever shop at Sainsbury’s, so I will just keep collecting my points at BP garages. And I will drive out of my way to get to a BP garage, just so I can collect those bloody points! The greens are both from Subway. THE SHAME! But I have just had lunch and one of them is my Subcard. The second is a voucher, for any medium drink and footlong for only a £5er. I don’t eat footlong subs, but it’s a just in case.
Delve deeper behind these cards, you’ll see more pretty colours. Black, pink, white and purple. Black is my credit card and so not the first thing I will see should I need those pair of shoes… But my credit card also collects the infamous points that most shops support nowadays to make you spend more to spend less, although I am perfectly knowledgeable that they work those points into their budgets anyways, thus I am saving nada. The pink is my driving license, which is hidden behind the Subcard at the moment. No one wants to be scared off with that kinda photo. The white is my Boots card. Which actually didn’t work when I tried to use it the other day. I’ve kept it in there as a reminder that I have to call them up and get a new one, but I won’t be reminded as it is behind the bright purple of Nectar. The purple is my second bank card, which we use as a current account at the moment. Again, perfectly acceptable reason for it being in there in case I need to pay a bill and it is behind my usual bank card, so I won’t be tempted.
Behind this layer of colourful goodness, yes, that’s right, more colours. Navy blue, two white cards and yet another purple. Navy is the leaving present my old job gave me – a Waterstone’s gift card. I have used it, actually – it’s useful to keep on me in case I find a really good book that I want to buy. And I can use it online 🙂 It probably shouldn’t be behind my credit card, for it could act as a distraction… “Buy a book instead of putting yourself into more debt!!” One of the whites is my student ID. I left university two years ago now. Why on earth is it still in there? I suppose it’s just a reminder. I look distinctly Turkish and toothless in the photo. Should’ve probably got a new one when I was issued with that one… And behind my driving license, it lives. Second white is my NHS card. Useful for travelling, I guess, but I don’t need it everyday… And the last bit of purple is a cash card for a savings account I don’t actually use anymore. The third layer of my wallet seems pretty pointless.
But alas! Another layer under this! What else could I possibly need, I hear you ask! This layer has to be the funniest. One of the card slots is completely empty because that’s my cash card slot. The other three are dark blue, light blue and white. Light blue is my National Insurance number card. That’s fine. The white one is my Body Shop card, which is okay – I do go to the Body Shop, but not frequently as I bulk buy. The dark blue one is my gym card. Ahahahaha! It’s ok, I’m quitting that gym anyway. It looks slightly lodged in there, I know it will be a struggle to extract when the time comes that I am not a member there any more.
But I have even more junk in my wallet, past these cards. In one of the gaps where you would usually put notes, I have a tonne of receipts, but in the midst of all it’s grey and white goodness, I have managed to find the following:
- A cheque that bounced from July 2010
- A temporary paper Tesco Club Card – I received a Club Card to go onto my set of keys at the beginning of last year.
- A card from Zizzi – which is just down the road from me.
- A loyalty card from a coffee shop in London, with one out of ten stamps on it.
- A train ticket receipt from March 2010 – no idea where I was going
- A book of twelve stamps – I had no idea they were in there.
- My swimming card, to expire on 22nd March (aw, crap! Better get swimming before then.)
- A business card of a recruitment consultant – no longer needed!
- A Lakeside gift card. I don’t know how much money it has on it.
Just wow. That makes me seem completely unorganised. I just can’t believe the amount of crap I hoard in my wallet. No wonder I seem lopsided when I walk – it’s all that shit weighing me down! I need to buy a shredder…