I am rubbish at sleeping when Jay is not home. It has been a week and I have dark circles around my sore eyes and my brain is screaming, “Just shut me down! I can’t go on like this!”
When I was younger, (well, from the age of 11 until 19/20, I guess…) I used to have to sleep with the TV on. I would put it on a timer and the noise used to send me to sleep. I could be listening to a heavy metal concert, but if I was tired enough, I’d drift off.
When I was staying with boyfriends, it didn’t bother me at all. Just having someone there was enough to send me into a slumber – yes, most of the boyfriends I’ve stayed with have been that boring… lolz. But feeling secure, that someone was there was enough. And I’ve had over 3 and a half years of Jay being there. Well, that’s a lie – we used to go home from uni and stuff, but that’s gotta add up to like, 3 weeks out of the 3 and a half years. And now, he’s gone for 2 weeks. I don’t even sleep well when he’s gone out for the night. In fact, I probably worry more in a weird way… My head starts filling up with crap, hoping that he’s safe and stuff. My brain goes wild, wondering if anyone did find him hurt, if they would call me… Seriously, I am such a worrier; I must stop this crazy thinking! I suppose it comes from that night that he ran through the woods in the darkness… but that is another story!
I do have a fear of the dark (see such wonderments of frantic writing in power cuts here and here) and I think that’s pretty much all to do with it. The worse thing about Jay being away this time is that
I ‘we’ have somehow lost the TV remote for our bedroom, so I have to get up and turn the TV off and then I’m left in the dark and unable to sleep! This week, I have been going to bed quite late, in a hope that I would just drop off quickly and sleep right through. This hasn’t worked.
Imran has shown me a website where you can watch catch up TV, which is good. I can just put my laptop on my bed, drift off and my laptop will turn itself off eventually. We’re giving this a trial run tonight – I was going to try last night and I have no idea why I didn’t…
If anyone has any other ideas of what can help me sleep, please share away!