Last night, Jay and I broke up. Today, I am devastated. My blog has always been a source of emotional release, so I thought I would share my experiences with you to not only get some sort of release, but perhaps clear my head from everything and get a sense of direction.
During all of my relationships, long term and short term, I have always jumped in with all guns blazing, wearing my heart of my sleeve. I have had only three serious relationships, but I have been in love (or what I have thought to be in love) definitely more than three times.
I had been with Jay just short of six years. It had been my longest relationship. Jay has been with me through my best (graduation and personal achievements) and my worst (my Dad’s passing) and we have lived together for most of our relationship, both at uni and two different houses when we both graduated.
Unfortunately, a couple of things have changed and we were no longer happy in our relationship. I am so sad about this realisation. It’s not even an explosive row that we’ve both fallen out over, so there’s not even anyone to blame. It’s just two people that have seemingly grown apart through no fault of their own. It sort of makes me angry, because there is nothing to really show for our relationship of six years, the one where I thought we were going to settle and be happy forever, and it’s like going cold turkey after a six year long addiction.
Since we have decided to break up, Jay and I have spoken on the phone a few times and both of us have been blubbering messes, and it’s some comfort that he is feeling as bad as I am. That’s not to say I want him to feel terrible, we’re both good people and deserve to be happy, but I think it helps that he’s going through the same feelings that I am.
Today, I feel mostly lost and numb. I don’t know if we’ll somehow work out a way and end up back together. I don’t know what’s going to happen with the house where we live because, although my Mum owns it, I don’t earn enough to support myself living in this house on my own. I don’t know what’s going to happen with Ozzy because, if things get really bad, I won’t be able to keep him anymore, and he’s a key part of my life now.
What I have realised is that my friends are amazing. I spoke to one of my friends up until 2am this morning. I have had texts, whatsapps, phone calls and Facebook messages from those closest to me (some of whom I’ve not spoken to for years), consoling me and that’s incredible. The fact that I have that level of support makes me feel incredibly lucky.
I think I need to sit down and figure out what I want to do with my life and where to go from here. Today, I’m planning on doing my housework, paying bills and leaving things just as normal as they can be. I don’t really want to think about it much more,
Have you ever experienced a mutual break up? What’s your tip for coping with a break up?