Hi guys. Firstly, thanks so much for your responses on my first post, about the break up. I never really know how well personal blog posts are going to go; some people love ’em as its an insight into my actual normal life instead of my beauty/fashion/weigh in bubble, but I appreciate that some people aren’t as interested in some girl that’s just broken up with her boyfriend.
But for those who are interested, for those who are going through the same thing and find some sort of comfort from these sorts of posts, here’s what’s been going on.
“Luckily” for me, our relationship ended on a Thursday, which is lovely and close to the weekend. I have been in the pub (4 doors down is a dangerous distance!) for Friday night and Saturday night. I worked for three hours on Saturday, which was a welcome distraction and my Mum and Uncle distracted my wandering thoughts by helping me tidy the front garden in my house.
Today has been a particularly tough day. I had plans to go and see my grandparents as they always know how to cheer me up, but today was always the day that Jay was going to pick up his clothes and some extra bits and pieces. I had already decided that I wasn’t going to be here when he was here, so sorted it so that I was going to see my grandparents whilst he got some things. I felt physically sick the whole time I was at my grandparents’ house. I was clock watching, imagining what he was doing, where he was in my house. As I drove home, I drove past my house to check that his car had definitely gone before pulling in and decided to have a wander around and see what he had actually taken, and ultimately, I wish I hadn’t.
I opened the wardrobe to vacant railings, drawers and shelves. And I felt worse. I sat on the sofa, scoffed the remainder of my emergency Chocolate Orange I bought yesterday and watched Friends for about two hours. I decided that, although I had been invited to go and watch the new Wolverine film with my best friend, I wasn’t up for seeing anyone.
After two hours of self pity, my Mum had invited me over for a curry and I decided that I hadn’t eaten enough junk food today (my Nan had force fed me jelly and ice cream at her’s) so I walked Ozzy over and scoffed my face some more.
I have been back home for another couple of hours and I am feeling really low. I’m “watching” TV but my thoughts keep darting back to the empty wardrobe and the fact that Jay will be back again in a few weeks to collect even more of his stuff, and it’s the awkward custody battle of who gets what In terms of furniture, CDs and kitchen appliances.
I don’t think it helps that Ozzy has also started to feel down. They say dogs have a sixth sense when you’re feeling down or sick and Ozzy has been terribly reserved today. He absolutely loved spending time with Jay and I think he’s really missing him already.
I’ve started to feel angry about the break up. Angry at the fact that I have to start a “new life” in the home that we had shared for a couple of years. Angry that he seems to be moving on so quickly. There’s still no one to blame, but I am so angry at this situation.
I hope that I feel a bit better tomorrow than I’m feeling right now. Tomorrow, I have a shift at my first job, followed by a four hour shift at my second job, so hopefully, that should take my mind off of things a bit better than coasting through a Sunday.