The Break Up: Day Twelve

Today, I’m feeling much better about myself so I’ve decided to blog about why and what has helped. I’ve kept really, really busy, with work, going out (and lots of drinking…), more of a focus on the gym and doing things that I never really got a chance to do when I was in my relationship. That’s not to say that I was particularly ‘controlled’ within my relationship, but now I don’t have anyone to answer to – apart from Ozzy!

Yesterday, I felt really down in myself. I was at work, but felt exhausted and spoke to Jay on the phone to tie up some loose ends, which somehow made me feel worse even though it was really civil. I think it’s finally setting in that he’s not coming back, as he’s now found a flat and wants all of his stuff back, whereas (and although his stuff is in the garage), there was still something niggling at me, saying that he will come back, even if it’s something I don’t think would be good for my happiness.

I always have had loads of boy friends – that is, boys who are friends! – and that hasn’t changed throughout my relationship with Jay at all, but I can see how that would be hard for him to handle. And, in fact, some of those friends who are boys (and I have known forever) have started to change towards me now that I am a single Franno. I’m not ready to make some sort of commitment; six years is a long time and I only ever had one single year at uni, sandwiched between two of my most serious relationships, but I have to say that the change in dynamic of these friendships have left me feeling more confident in myself, that I am fine as I am and that I’ve still got my mojo as such.

And that’s not necessarily to say that I want to be with any of these guys, because primarily, I see them as awesome (but now, slightly awkward) friends and I don’t want to ruin what are awesome friendships. And yes, one of these boys that I am texting is one that I used to fancy back in the day, which is probably really dangerous to the mark, but I’m okay with being flirty and single for now. And you know what? I honestly didn’t think I would be saying that 12 days after the break up from my most serious relationship that I have ever had, but I suppose that’s a confirmation that it really wasn’t working and that it probably was over before it was ‘officially’ over.

Nevertheless, Friday was a bit of an emotional day for me, moving most of Jay’s stuff in the garage, parting with £600 for new furniture and television, and changing the locks on my doors. My house is now mostly a Jay-free zone (apart from the paperwork that I need to sort out and box up) and I’m ready to move on with my life, wherever that may take me. I would say that, living in the house that we used to share is particularly difficult, as is sorting out how much your outgoings are with your sole salary and making cut backs! But it’s something that I will get through and worse things happen.

Note to myself. I do need to stop drinking so much. To have a good time does not mean to get absolutely out of my tree. And drunken snapchats are never big OR clever.

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