Generally, I’m feeling good about myself. I have found that I am not actually getting that attached to the guy that I’m seeing as I thought I would be. That sounds absolutely terrible and slaggy, but for me, this is a huge deal as it’s a serious change in my personality; I’m usually completely obsessed by now but it’s just not happening to me this time. This could probably be an awesome basis for a good relationship!
I spoke to my counsellor about it, because right now, I feel like I’m not really me; I haven’t really been upset about Jay and The Break Up of ’13 and it’s only been a month… and, honestly, I usually turn into the psycho that writes letters, sends texts, pleading for someone to get back together with me.
My counsellor explained it like this. There are a few options or it could a mixture of all of them. Firstly, it could have been that I knew that it was over before it was over. I was just waiting for it to happen and, when it did happen, I just wasn’t shocked and I was ready to move on. There’s probably an element of this to my personality doing a complete 180 on itself, rebelling by going out every weekend, not putting my shoes away after kicking them off, etc. The second option (and probably the more likely) is that I’m comparing it to the time where I lost my Dad and, realistically, this break down of a six year relationship does not compare to that loss when I had known my Dad for twenty two years. I am a very different person to what I was six years ago at University and so another option is that I might have even grown up and out of writing letters, begging an ex boyfriend to come back!
Not only that, I need to stop being so bloody hard on myself. The way I’m reacting to this is completely natural – for me. I need to stop thinking about how I should be reacting and just go with how I am reacting. Because, ultimately, what I’m doing is okay and, as long as I’m not getting hurt or hurting anyone, there’s nothing really wrong with having a bit of fun along the way, right? And, of course, everyone reacts differently as no one has experienced exactly the same life!
So what are my focuses now? Well, I have been spending a lot of time at the gym. I’ve finally reached my one stone weight loss this year and I am more motivated than ever to lose the next one. I’ll write more about that this week, I promise! The second focus is just as important, if not, more so and that is surrounding myself with positive people. They have always been in my life, but I think that I lost sight of them when I was in my relationship; for me, my priorities change and I end up thinking that I should devote a whole chunk of my time to my partner, but really, you should always touch base with your friends and the people that will be there, regardless of who your partner is. Hell, your partner should want to hang out with them in the first place!
Overall, guys, I’m in a really good place 🙂