Firstly, I am writing this in the wordpress app on my phone, so please forgive me any obvious and formatting mistakes. I downloaded it, but never really figured out the app. Secondly, it’s 4.30am, so again, apologies for any mistakes, but my brain is about to explode with the amount of shit running around it and I need to vent. And that’s always what my blog was about – venting.
So, for NYE, I’d had so many positive energies around me for my 2014. This was the year I was going to finally lose all of my weight. The year I believe I was finally owed a pay rise. The time in my life where I truly wanted to become an adult, save for a mortgage and become my very own grown up.
That lasted until yesterday (that’s right, the 8th of January) where, at the last five minutes of my 9-5 stint in the office, working hard with the bout of man flu that has been filling my sinuses, my boss had decided to tell me that the franchise are planning on making my job redundant.
In my head, I know it’s a business decision to do with cash flow and it doesn’t reflect anything personal against me or whatever, but in my heart, I can’t help but feel so betrayed. Here’s a company I have donated the last three years of my life to. The company where I haven’t been able to say “no” and just sucked up whatever they’ve needed me to do, be it a week in advance or five minutes before getting into a pool for teaching for two hours at a reduced rate! Hurt doesn’t even cover it.
Luckily (?) for me, my bosses actually want to keep me working for them so have decided that I need to come up with some plan to work part time in the office and teach the rest of the hours. Not ideal, as this will mean I’m on a zero hours contract so, again, they can whip the rug from under my feet and there’ll be nothing I can do about it.
Of course, I came up with the part time plan this evening with my brain running rings around everything that I know about the company, what hours I could teach and what hours I could work in the office. And naturally, when I emailed them both, I got one reply saying that she was actually out (drinking cocktails, no less) tonight and would review it in the morning. I’m glad that she can drink cocktails whilst I’m on my last £70 to last me until the middle of the month… Cash flow problems, eh?
So I’m at a fork in the road in my life. Do I really want to become a most-of-the-time swimming teacher and part-time administrative assistant after gaining both my BSc and my post graduate diploma or do I want to pursue another path, maybe go back into learning or try and change my job from the industry that I’ve been pinned down with for 11 years? I know it’s still fresh and I’m sure I’ve got time to figure it all out. It’s quite scary, not really knowing what your next move would be and, especially because I had so much pinning on this year, I am really bummed.
I guess it’s time to dust out the ol’ CV and see if there are any takers. Why do I feel like I’ve just finished university again?!