Today, I thought I’d blog about something slightly different, just because I find myself at a really happy and positive part in one particular aspect of my life: my relationship. So today will be mostly about relationships, being in love and finding The One.
My hugest issue with love (and it’s probably an issue amongst most 20-something year old women who have been brought up watching Disney Princess based films) is that I wear my heart on my sleeve and get burned, because I want the whole fairy tale scenario of finding The One, getting married and having babies and, ultimately, living happily ever after. But, now I’m older, my ideas of The One have diminished and I am more realistic to think that there cannot be just one person out there for everyone when there are 6billion people on the planet and you’re not going to come into contact with even half of them! I like to think of love as a state of mind and, of course, it’s dependent on circumstances and who’s there at the time.
I think that I, personally, have been in love four times. The first love encounter was when I was about 17 or 18 and I fell in love with a friend of mine – we’re still best friends to this day – but the timing was never right and, when things had just worked itself out, I was off to university and he didn’t think it fair that I was tied down to a relationship and worrying about when I was going to see him next, when I could be exploring the world, making new friends and generally enjoying myself. At the time, I was distraught, but we talk about it now and it was probably the best decision he made for me and I love him for that. I’m just not in love with him anymore, because that would be weird! Ha.
The second was a guy I’d met at uni and my first really serious relationship. I don’t remember much about it though because a) I have a really crummy memory and b) he hurt me really badly so I think that my mind has blanked it out. We moved in together quite quickly, but he had ideas to go travelling abroad that he hadn’t told me about and started gradually moving out of our flat! I didn’t take it too well and remember that I lost a lot of weight over it.
The next guy is my recent ex, Jay. Although it ended because the relationship had deteriorated into resentment, I did really love him at some point but unfortunately, we’d been through a lot of rubbish times and felt like we had to stay together to support each other, even if that’s not what we were doing. It’s a shame that it ended the way it did but I just didn’t love him anymore and he didn’t love me anymore. And, when I look back, it had probably ended two years before it had officially ended.
And, this time, I’m in love with D. We were friends for around five years prior to us accidentally falling into this relationship and the dynamics of it are completely different. I think, because we knew each other properly before being together, we knew what to expect. We complement each other’s personalities much better than any previous relationship that I have been in and we genuinely care for and support each other, which is something that I missed from my previous love encounters. And guys, it feels awesome to have that in my relationship now!
I don’t know if D is my happily ever after, if we’re going to see to the end of 2014 together or even if I’m going to fall in love again. I suppose the point of this long-winded post is to highlight that it’s fine to get burned by the one you supposedly love because you’ll pick yourself up, dust yourself off and fall in love again. And what might seem completely devastating at the time isn’t the end all. And throughout any relationship, I have learned to stay true to who I am and be happy in all the decisions I make. Because, in the end, I’m the only one who’ll have to live with me and my decisions 🙂