Today, I decided to accept myself for who I am. That’s a huge step in itself and it’s taken the most part of the 27 years I’ve been kicking around. I know there are things to scrub up on to become happier but, do you know what? I am actually quite happy as I am right in this moment now.
Last night, D and I went to the pub for a few drinks (obvs) and last night, fuelled by a few lager-tops and whilst making chicken sandwiches, he told me I was his best friend. I wasn’t expecting it at all and I was really hugely overwhelmingly flattered. I don’t really expect lines like that from guys; I don’t know, it seems to be a more ‘girly’ thing to expose these little nuggets of huge emotion. And that’s not to say that D (or any other bloke for that matter) has no emotion, because I know he does because I’ve experienced this before (ha, it sounds like it doesn’t happen frequently, but it does!) but usually it’s my soppy blurbing before the guy, I guess, because I do wear my heart on my sleeve. And it was after this that I realised that he is actually my best friend too, someone I speak to every single day about absolutely anything and everything that’s going on in my little bubble. And I never really had a relationship like that.
It’s hard to believe that I was in a completely different place, just over a short year ago. And it’s incredible to accept that I have been this happy for nearly a year. And it’s not getting boring. My whole mindset about romantic relationships has changed. From the experience of what was a confidence-lessening, beat-down of my personality and character, with my inability to argue a point alongside his attempts to try and change my likes and dislikes, to appreciating someone’s differences and complementing each other’s personalities, quirkiness and all, is like floating on a massive cloud, like being completely weightless – because and although it was a huge issue in previous relationships, believe it or not, weight doesn’t matter in this state either.
I don’t know how long it’s going to last. I know he’s happy and I know that I am happy. I don’t know if it’ll last forever and ever. But I am happy now and I am happy that I have finally accepted me and the only pin point that I can think of is that he accepts me no matter if I’ve spent all day in my pyjamas, if I haven’t done the washing and ironing or if I’m not wearing make up. Really in a good place right now and I hope that it’s going to be reflected in all of my blog posts from here on.