Five Years On

Yesterday marked five years since my Dad had passed.

It’s gone quickly and slowly at the same time. But what surprised me the most was how unemotional I was at this particular ‘milestone’ – I’m sure that’s the wrong word. I thought I’d be an emotional wreck. But no. I spoke to D about it because I just felt like I *should* have been more emotional, but his response was that I don’t just miss my Dad on that one day, but every single day of every single year and it’s just become a lot easier for me to live with. I still have my break down moments but, just because it has been five years to the day, it doesn’t mean that I should be any more emotional.

And he’s right.

Last night, I went for ham, egg and chips with my family, like we do every anniversary of my Dad. It was nice but I think I was the only one who wasn’t necessarily feeling that emotional about the whole thing. There were no tears, no awkward pauses. We didn’t really mention my Dad, although we all ordered ham, egg and chips in his memory.

This week I have been super distracted, even if I am aware of the time of year when it rolls around. I managed to break my phone twice and my laptop once. My Nan had a fall and I spent most of Thursday, sitting with my Granddad to ensure the pair of them didn’t worry about the other so much – she’s fine, 15 stitches on the top of her head, but she’s tough as nails and was laughing about the whole experience by the time she got home (they don’t make them like they used to because I know I’d be moaning the whole time!).

A lot has changed in five years. It’s a real shame he hasn’t been here to see it, because most of them have been good times instead of bad, other than the redundancy where I felt like I needed him more than ever. But things are settling, people move on and it gets easier to deal with. Loads of his pub friends couldn’t even believe it had been five years and last night, I was greeted with “It just felt like yesterday”s and in a lot of ways, it does.

The average mourning process lasts about seven years. We’re nearly all the way through. But he’ll never be forgotten anyway, no matter how many years go by.


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